What if I lose my strength?
19th Dec 2018

Today I am without spirit, without the strength to go on in life, and at work. Tracing my goals is becoming difficult because I do not see them clearly. I see my professional merit lying down and I am very sad, and almost without respect for myself. I have almost no professional interest.
My feelings try, discreetly, to kill me. I do not feel the strength to oppose them

I left my "friends"

In my mind I left them. I realized they are not my friends anymore (since about 20 years ago). I have realized that my friends were false. They only care about themselves and their easy life: dinners, parties, trips, and so on. They make judgments about me without wanting to understand myself. They make judgments and continue to laugh.

Today I'm specially down. My Yoga practice ended with me in tears remembering my father and how I miss him. I need to practice more and more and more because I still can not master my thoughts and my memories. Not really my memories but the way I miss those who are already gone.

It's Christmas time and, because of this, I thought that, for the first time in 7 years, I would set up my ceramic Christmas toy village . But I feel it is not yet the time. The village remembers me who gave it to me, and I can not stand it.

The feeling of defeat and longing prevails and puts me in tears. I really miss them.